The Eight-Week Love Lab 🔬

Two couples signed up for my premarital counseling program, armed with love, hope, and just a little bit of panic about the whole “forever” thing. Their journeys through the eight-week program were as different as their personalities, but by the end, they all walked out with something priceless: a marriage-ready relationship.

Meet Sarah and Njuguna

The Over-Planners Who Forgot to Plan Their Relationship

Sarah and Njuguna (not their real names) were the kind of couple who had their wedding planned down to the napkin colors before they even got engaged. But when it came to their relationship? Crickets. They were so busy planning the party that they forgot to plan the partnership. That’s when they showed up at Week 0: The Warm-Up.

Week 0: The Awkward Paperwork Phase
Sarah filled out her intake form with the precision of a NASA engineer, while Njuguna scribbled his answers like he was taking a pop quiz. When they signed in for their first session, they realized they had no idea what the other person’s “relationship vision” even was. Sarah wanted a big family; Njuguna wanted to travel the world. Cue the first of many “Oh, we should probably talk about that” moments.

Week 1: The Love Map Expedition
By Week 1, they were deep in the Love Map trenches. Sarah learned that Njuguna’s dream of traveling wasn’t just a passing thought—it was a lifelong goal tied to his late father’s unfulfilled wanderlust. Njuguna, in turn, discovered that Sarah’s desire for a big family stemmed from her close-knit upbringing. They started drafting their Relationship Vision Statement, which began with “We want a life that’s both adventurous and rooted in love.” Not bad for a first draft.

Week 2: Communication Boot Camp
Week 2 was where things got real. Sarah had a habit of criticizing Njuguna’s “lack of planning,” while Njuguna would stonewall her by retreating into his phone. Enter the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. When they role-played a conflict about finances, Sarah realized her criticism was masking her fear of instability. Njuguna, in turn, learned to say, “I need a break, but I’ll come back to this,” instead of shutting down. By the end of the session, they were high-fiving over their newfound conflict skills. (Yes, high-fiving. It was adorable.)

Week 6: The Grand Finale
By Week 6, Sarah and Njuguna had a Relationship Vision Statement that could rival the Declaration of Independence. They’d also nailed down their roles (Njuguna would handle travel planning; Sarah would manage the family calendar) and set boundaries with their overbearing parents. When they left the program, they weren’t just ready to get married—they were ready to build a marriage.

Meet Mia and Alex

The “We’re Fine, Really” Couple Who Weren’t Fine

Mia and Alex (not their real names) were the opposite of Sarah and Njuguna. They’d been together for years and thought they had it all figured out. “We don’t really fight,” Mia said during their intake session. Alex nodded in agreement. But as we dug deeper, it became clear that their “lack of fighting” was less about harmony and more about avoidance.

Week 3: The Deep Dive
Week 3 hit Mia and Alex like a ton of bricks. In their individual sessions, Mia admitted she avoided conflict because she grew up in a household where yelling was the norm. Alex, on the other hand, realized he shut down during disagreements because he didn’t want to “rock the boat.” When they came back together, they had a breakthrough: Their “perfect” relationship was built on a foundation of unspoken fears. It was messy, it was emotional, and it was exactly what they needed.

Week 4: The Emotional Connection Marathon
By Week 4, Mia and Alex were ready to get vulnerable. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy techniques, they practiced expressing their core emotions. Mia tearfully admitted she was scared Alex would leave if she voiced her needs. Alex, in turn, shared that he felt inadequate when Mia seemed distant. They created a daily check-in ritual where they’d share one thing they were grateful for and one thing they were struggling with. It became their lifeline.

Week 5: The Family Feud
Week 5 brought its own challenges. Mia’s mom had a habit of dropping by unannounced, and Alex’s dad was constantly offering unsolicited financial advice. Through the genogram activity, they realized how much their families’ dynamics were influencing their relationship. They set boundaries—Mia’s mom had to call before visiting, and Alex’s dad was no longer allowed to comment on their budget. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

Week 7: The Victory Lap
By the final session, Mia and Alex were a different couple. They weren’t just “fine”—they were thriving. They’d learned to communicate, to set boundaries, and to lean into the messiness of love. As they left the office, Mia turned to Alex and said, “I think we’re ready.” Alex smiled and replied, “We’ve been ready. We just didn’t know it.”

Why These Stories Matter

Sarah and Njuguna. Mia and Alex. Two couples, two very different journeys, but one common thread: They both walked into premarital counseling thinking they knew what they were getting into, and they both walked out with a deeper, stronger, and more intentional relationship.

Premarital counseling isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about uncovering the hidden cracks and filling them with gold. It’s about learning how to fight fair, how to connect deeply, and how to build a life that’s not just about surviving, but thriving.

So, if you’re engaged, planning to get engaged, or even just thinking about marriage, take it from Sarah, Njuguna, Mia, and Alex: The eight-week journey is worth it. Because when you say “I do,” you’re not just committing to a person—you’re committing to a lifetime of growth, love, and partnership. And that’s a journey worth preparing for.

Ready to write your own love story? Let’s get started. Your future marriage will thank you.